Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
