I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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