so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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