My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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