I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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