hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
