chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how drunk are you?
Several
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
