I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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