My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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