so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
