she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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