mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
