Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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