I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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