just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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