Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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