i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
