I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
