i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
