idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
