So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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