You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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