it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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