even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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