I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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