She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I queefed so loud it echoed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
