How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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