Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
