All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
