you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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