why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
