uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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