Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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