he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
