Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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