4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
