It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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