dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
