Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
