very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
