please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
