thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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