I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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