dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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