Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
