Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I supernannyed him into submission
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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