I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
what the fuck happened to the tacos
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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