Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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