is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I did not marry a roomba.
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