maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
