Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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