she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
