So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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