i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
