I cut my penus on the lid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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