he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
babies were throwing up all over the place
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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