We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
