I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
