I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
