That's intense
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
