That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
