I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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