Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
