Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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