discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
