You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
