...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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