I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Its about making memories worth repressing
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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