I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla