No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Boobs speak an international language.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it