did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.