so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's always time for handjobs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP