pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
