Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
