Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
