Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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