i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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