I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
